Tell me Everything will be Okay
by AmiraStarr
Summary: When she hits her darkest hour, Miyako begins to believe that she is nothing more than damaged goods. Can Miyako realize her own worth as she battles her secret fears and tries to remain strong for those she loves? One-shot inspired by Kal-El Fornia's challenge in the 'Forest of Irrelevant Road Signs' forum.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon.**

**This story is the response to a challenge posted by Kal-El Fornia on the 'The Forest of Irrelevant Road Signs' forum. The challenge was to use Miyako and Mimi in a story with the prompt line, "This must be a Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays." Just for shout-out sake, the prompt is from the novel **_**The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy **_**by Douglas Adams. I hope to see you at the forum.**

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When you are born female, there are certain things you expect to happen. Certain biological things, which all-equal out to the path women have followed for centuries. Through millions and millions of years women have gotten married, pregnant, and raised happy families. If so many women could accomplish the task that was supposed to be so deeply ingrained in their body and soul, why couldn't she do it?

"I'm sorry he is so fussy today." Tachikawa Mimi struggled to keep the fussing child in her arms from letting out an ear-piercing whine.

"It's no problem." Miyako watched the infant and wondered if her own future child would look as adorable as Mimi's infant. Would he have the same thin ringlets on his forehead? Maybe his eyes would be that lovely shade of blue like Ken's were. A child that looked like a miniature version of her husband would have to be the envy of any mother. No one would be able to resist the dark hair and wide, bright eyes she just knew would decorate her child's face.

"I just don't know what he could want." Mimi admitted and tried to rock the infant back and forth, "I fed him, changed him, and he refuses to go down for a nap. I just wish he was old enough to tell me what he wants."

Her baby would be smart too. Just like his father and mother, he would excel at whatever field he wanted to tackle. Soccer would be a breeze when he had Ken's talent filled genes pulsing through his body. And he would probably be fixing gadgets and learning to work cell phones by the age of three. Despite his obvious talent, she promised herself she would never push him into following a path he didn't want to take. Her child was going to be his own person, whether or not that person was a scientist or a ballet dancer. It didn't matter in the big scheme of things what he was, as long as he was there.

As long as he was there to greet the inquisitive faces of their relatives who continuously begged, or demanded, for a grandchild. As long as he was there to fill out the baby clothes she had hidden away to save herself the pain of remembering. As long as he was there to fill their house with the sound of childish laughter and warmth of familial love. It would be a welcome change from the awkward silences of guilt and depression lurking around the home.

She couldn't understand how a marriage that started out so strong, could have turned into something so painful. During the first few years of trying, they had promised each other they would stick it out through whatever outcome came their way. Unfortunately, the late night discussions, the failed tests, and the two miscarriages had taken their toll on a once iron-strong resolve. It was hard, if not impossible, to even look into that man's eyes without feeling like a failure. He wanted kids as badly as she did, if not worse, and she couldn't give them to him.

What was her purpose if she couldn't make good on the things she had promised him in their vows? As far as she was concerned, Miyako was merely waiting for her doctor to hang the 'Damaged Goods' sign around her neck. Like a scarlet letter that alerted everyone to the fact that she was _not_ a real woman. When so many people could get pregnant after one alcohol fueled tryst, how could she remain barren for years? As if she was a bruised piece of fruit in a store that people passed by without surprise since she was in the right bin, but would never imagine selecting since she was obviously broken.

At least Ken had always been supportive, to whatever degree his own painful emotions allowed. He never questioned her desire to cry over their lost babies again and again, and he always managed to hold her just tight enough to keep her from feeling like she was slipping away. Ken was still the rock that she relied on when their families well-meaning inquiries and hopeful glances shifted into the ever more familiar looks of disappointment.

She had never realized one of the hardest parts of the whole event, would be dealing with the constant outside reminders that something was wrong with her and missing from her otherwise picture perfect family. When their couple friends gushed over their newborns and created stories about future play dates with her and Ken's upcoming children, it took all she had inside not to break down into a fit of rage and tears. Thankfully, she had only lost her outward resolve on one elderly woman who was friends with Ken's grandmother. The angry screams hadn't been planned, but when the woman rattled off about Ken being so nice to try to stay in a marriage with a _malfunctioning woman_, she had lost it.

In the back of her mind, those far away places where only fear and darkness could reside, she wondered what would happen to her and Ken. Could he actually love a woman who wasn't complete? Could anyone accomplish such a feat? He told her so many times that he loved her no matter what, but what would happen when they were still childless in a couple more years? It wasn't like she was getting any younger. With each tick of the clock on Mimi's wall, the sinister part of her brain reminded her that her own clock was ticking. What if this really was the best she could do? What if all their attempts from here on out were worse?

There was no way she could handle another miscarriage. There was no way either of them could handle another emergency room visit and sympathetic doctor explanation that something just wasn't right. How could they not know what had gone wrong? How could they have left her there to grieve over the babies that could have been without giving her a reason?! During the whole pregnancy she had taken every precaution known to mankind. But it still wasn't good enough… she wasn't good enough.

"Miyako?" Mimi's voice filtered through the lavender haired girl's thoughts and pulled her back into the moment at hand. The beautiful infant was asleep in Mimi's arms and seemed to be smiling contentedly with each gentle rock, "Are you okay? You look like someone just ruined your new designer outfit."

Miyako sniffled as a crying onset, she hadn't noticed, tempted her cracking resolve, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

She forced herself to look away from the baby and directed her attention to the top of Mimi's head, "Yes. I'm great. You were going to tell me why you invited me over right?"

"Oh, right," Mimi grinned happy to be on an easier subject and gave Miyako a wink; "I wanted to know if you would like to help me plan a party for this Thursday. Between the two of us, I am sure we could come up with quite the shower."

"Shower?"

"Yes," Mimi nodded and leaned in closer to Miyako, "Didn't you hear about Sora and Yamato? They just found out they are going to be parents. I thought it be nice to throw them a surprise baby shower this… Miyako? Are you okay?"

The girl bit her lip and nodded her head slowly. She could feel the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes and realized it was far too late to try to reign in the emotions now. She had tried so hard to hide the truth about her failures, and hated herself even more for letting the weakness show. What kind of friend was she to sit and envy the fact her friends were having children versus being happy for their new phase of life? There was no way she could tell Mimi the full amount of pain she harbored without looking like an even worse person.

"Yeah. It's just Thursday, I guess. I could never get the hang of Thursdays..."

The absurd statement did little to comfort Mimi as she watched the tears begin to roll down her friend's cheeks. She stood for a moment to place the baby in a nearby bassinet, and then wordlessly embraced her teary eyed friend. The women hugged each other tightly and Mimi found her own eyes begin to water as Miyako sobbed into her shoulder. When the lavender-haired girl's body stopped shaking so strongly, Mimi pulled out of the embrace and offered her friend a tissue.

"Miyako," She smiled kindly at her and with the blunt, loving honesty only Tachikawa Mimi could offer stated, "I want you to tell me everything that is going on. Isn't that what best friends are for?"

Miyako paused for a moment, then nodded her head and once again hugged Mimi's thin body tightly.

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**I have no experience with infertility, but I know that it has been a very hard struggle for people who are dear to my heart. If you or someone you love is battling the same challenge, I send you my love and respect. It takes a tough person to handle those things and I pray you find your inner strength to deal with each step of the journey. **


End file.
